Why do I still find myself feeling anxious when talking about my sexuality? Why do I still feel even the slightest of discomfort when the topic comes up between me and my closest friends? Why does my pulse begin to heighten and I suddenly fall silent even in a room full of lgbtq folk?
Living in this hetero-normative society, straight-passing is more difficult than it seems. How do I go about mentioning past partners without feeling anticipation of a shocked response? Here I am getting questioned on whether or not if I have a boyfriend, while not even a thought goes through their mind about questioning if I have a girlfriend. The same answer is no but in the case that I do, here I am contemplating whether you'd be okay with it.
No it was not a phase.
No it was not a phase.
And yes there is a difference between being bi-sexual, lesbian, fluid, etc, so do not jump to assume I am one or the other. I will not allow you to check off a box full of generalizations and stereotypical characters from what you saw in a movie.
And think twice before asking me about my sex life. Those who easily talk about their glorious heterosexual sex and curiously ask me about what "gay" sex is like, - let me make you feel like an alien and ask you how your "hetero" sex is like. On that point- Stop hyper-sexualizing me- no I am not checking out every women that walks by me, and no, I am not down for a threesome.
No I am not an object.
And think twice before asking me about my sex life. Those who easily talk about their glorious heterosexual sex and curiously ask me about what "gay" sex is like, - let me make you feel like an alien and ask you how your "hetero" sex is like. On that point- Stop hyper-sexualizing me- no I am not checking out every women that walks by me, and no, I am not down for a threesome.
No I am not an object.
My sexuality is more than a fragment of my identity. Every day I am portraying myself one way that I may not portray myself another day. My sexuality is not who I am, but it definitely has impacted the things I've said, the things I don't say, who I trust, who I confide in, my relationships with strangers, friends, partners, family, and even myself.
I regret that I feel this way. No I am not ashamed of who I am. No I do not wish I were different. But I do wish things were more simple. I wish queers weren't demonized. I wish I didn't have to carefully explain to friends what I'm going through while still feeling discontent. I wish I didn't have to conceal this part of my identity with my parents. I wish there were more queer women narratives in the media. I wish being queer wasn't associated with negative stigmas. I wish talking about my sexuality didn't trigger bad memories and feelings.
I regret that I feel this way. No I am not ashamed of who I am. No I do not wish I were different. But I do wish things were more simple. I wish queers weren't demonized. I wish I didn't have to carefully explain to friends what I'm going through while still feeling discontent. I wish I didn't have to conceal this part of my identity with my parents. I wish there were more queer women narratives in the media. I wish being queer wasn't associated with negative stigmas. I wish talking about my sexuality didn't trigger bad memories and feelings.
