What does your tattoo mean?
At first I was hesitant to get this tatted visibly because I knew if I got it, people would ask me what it meant and I knew it would be difficult to explain. And this stems from it being pretty personal to me and it having more than just one meaning. However this also symbolizes the discomfort at first- yet my ability share my narrative to the world- offering it so visibly to see. So here is my attempt to explain what it means.
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On August 1, 2001, I wrote in my first diary. Since then it has been one of the most consistent things in my life, leading me to be on my 9th book.
It all started when I was 7. I always caught my sister writing in her journal and curious little me was always dying to know what she was writing about. I even knew where she would hide it. It was either under her bed or behind her dresser, but I never got a chance to sneak a peak. Instead, she gave me my own. It was red, had a rooster on the front, and each page had a different layout with different designs. She taught me that I had to always start by recording the date and by writing "dear diary,." When I asked what I would write about, she said anything - write about your day or just anything you want. And from there, it stuck.
Growing up the youngest with sisters 7-10 years older than me, I had always kept my feelings and thoughts to myself. Well technically, not to myself- because my outlet became my diaries.
As I go back to my first diary, even I get lost in my random thoughts and tangents about my crushes in the 2nd grade, what I wanted for Christmas, or even just about me liking dogs. But as my diaries progress, I start to see how much I begin to develop alongside of my experiences.
As opposed to my blog posts, my diary entries are for me. I'll write during the best, worst, and randomest times of my life. This writing is so unique- filling the pages with my stream of consciousness, they often are so raw and vulnerable; at times, it's even hard for me to digest.
Reading about my past is always interesting and sometimes even scary. I'll go back to a time where I was falling in love and feeling so infinite. Then I'll flip the next page to revisit the corners of my deepest darkest moments. It gets to a point where I feel like I'm reading about a stranger. But at the end of the day, I remind myself that this is me, and that these moments have led me to become the person I am today.
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Additionally, in my previous post, "the piece about her that I wrote for me," this was the first time I publicly shared my diary entries. From that experience, I realized how much of an impact my narrative and writing could have on myself and others. So, this also added to the tribute of my tattoo.
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Overall, having this tattoo is for me- despite if any of this made sense to you. And tbh, I think as long as a tattoo makes sense to you, that's all that matters. To me, it is a reminder of vulnerability, comfort, and growth. Ultimately, embodying who I am. But at the same time, this is a reminder of my ability to share who I am with everyone else- and offering the same impact that this journey has been for me.
