This Thanksgiving was very special to me.
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The week started with two of my best friends, Zears and Wynona, visiting me in Los Angeles. Not only was I happy because I haven't seen them in the longest time, but also because this quarter I felt the most lonesome than I have in a while.
A few days before Thanksgiving, I was having another one of my shitty episodes of anxiety and self-doubt. One of those nights where I felt like I couldn't get out of bed, but also wanted to run away from everything. It resulted into sleeping for hours and then waking up in the middle of the night feeling even more stuck in my skin. So by the end of the night, I was bawling in tears because I didn't know what else to do. I scrolled through my phone, feeling like I didn't have anyone that I could talk to without feeling like a burden. Eventually I called Wynona at 2am (and she was drunk off her ass). But thank God she answered. She was able to calm me down and reassure that she was coming to visit me soon. And honestly, her and Zears visiting me was the best thing for my sanity. From drinking wine and eating hummus in the middle of the night, having real talks about life, to dancing the night away at the club- those couple of days were just what I needed.
I swear, I'm so fucking thankful for my friends and not just the two that came to visit me, but every single one of them. I can't help but think about all the times that my friends have saved me from falling in too deep. They have literally been there with me during my highest and lowest points of my life. And sometimes I get into this weird funk and get sad about not having a lot of friends in college that I feel like I can go to but then I think about the friends that I do have, and I couldn't feel any more fortunate. They are the most ratchet but realest and most loyal people that I know. And most of all, they fucking get me when no one else does.
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Thanksgiving day was what was most special to me, and a day that I'll keep near and dear to me heart. Every year, I expect the same routine when Thanksgiving rolls around:1. Wake up to my mom preparing all morning for our Thanksgiving dinner. 2. Get all ready and dressed up with my sisters 3. Have lunch with my dad's side of the family 4. Food coma 5. Either dinner with my mom's side of the family or just dinner with my immediate family and 6. Food coma again
But this year was a little different. My mom was still cooking all morning and we still had lunch with my dad's side of the family. But during dinner time, my mom brought the whole Thanksgiving feast and we went to go visit my aunt, who was very sick. My aunt had been sick for a few months and we thought she got better, but little did we know, she was only given a few more months. As weak as she was, my mom, sisters, and I circled around her in bed encouraging her to stay strong and fight with everything she had. It hurt so much to watch her, but considering how much she hurt, we all had to be strong for her. At the end of the night, I kissed her goodbye, told her I loved her and she told me she loved me too. Little did I know, this was the last time I was ever going to see her.
Although right now it fucking hurts that I can't be with my family because I'm here in LA, it puts me at ease knowing that we all know she is no longer in pain and is in a better place. And although my heart hurts, it also helps knowing that my family is so damn strong. People always tell me how strong I am, but if they met my family, it is all because of them. They will put all their pain aside for the ones they love, setting aside anything that happened in the past and they will be there at the end. Seeing everyone that night come together and not crying one tear in front of her was a reminder of pure strength and family.
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Whenever I'm feeling down, I want to remind myself of how lucky and fortunate I am to have my family and friends. So this one is for them.
Mom and Dad, thank you both for supporting me with everything that I do, even when you may not agree with my decisions. Sisters, thank you for being my role models and allowing me to have beautiful strong women to look up to. Besties, thank you all for accepting all sides of me and also for bringing the best out of me.
Thank you all for being my rocks, giving me strength, being my daily reminder of purpose, and loving me so unconditionally.
