the reality of my sexuality, part 2

Sex.

Yikes. I'm usually not super open with my sex life. But then I start to question myself, why not? Taking the steps to talk about it will only help me become more comfortable about it and hopefully normalize it for everyone else.

(plus it's way easier writing about it than talking about it)

Truth be told that I have been intimate with men and women, and strangely- I am not amused by how rattled up people get when they learn this. I get, "which do you prefer?" "what was the best sex you've had?"  "sex with a girl isn't real sex." "have you used a sex toy?" etc.

*Laughing my fucking ass off while cringing at the same time because I'm embarrassed for both you and me that we have to have this conversation, but then again my situation is exotified and so unusual to the norm so I'm going to try to explain myself anyways*

So simple enough, I'll give you this:

1. Sex with any gender is still sex.
2. Having an emotional connection with the person you're being intimate with > casual sex
3. The dynamic of sex differentiates with gender. 

There are many ways I can take this post, but I'll elaborate more on my last point. 

The dynamic of two females having sex is so different because at this point- we are equal, she got what I got, and I won't go into detail, but I would like to describe it as: collaborative, compassionate, and kind. And I mean, I'm sure there are other reasons for this, women are naturally more nurturing than men, we can sympathize with each other's anatomy, etc, etc. But overall, great experience- five stars!

Now in my experience with guys I wondered why I felt so uncomfortable at first. So I'll try to draw out some possible reasons why:

1. Well now I have an actual risk of getting pregnant. "Should I go on the pill? Now I have to deal with condoms. Ugh."
2. This is about him and not me.

Okay. There are probably other factors, but let's pause here.

Here, the dynamic has changed. We are different. You have penis and I have a vagina.

Let's just take a step back and look at the bigger picture of hetero sex. Even in movies and books, males are dominant in sex. HE bangs her, goodnight. When we think about women dominating in sex, we think - OH HOW KINKY. "SHE DID WHAT? WOW". Why is this? Because we grow up learning that sex is for males and that they are in control. I remember when I first got my period, the first thing my mom said was - "Now a boy can get you pregnant." LOL. Looking back at this, I'm like- wow mom, that was pretty savage of you to say. But even then, we see how males have the upper-hand in sex. 

Anyways, long story short, what's my point? My point is not to complain about hetero sex or say that sex is only for male pleasure.  I believe that either, homosexual or heterosexual can be collaborative or pleasurable with enough communication and love etc. Heck, I didn't even touch on the factor of when love comes into play. So when people ask which I prefer, I still can't give a clear answer. But, in my opinion, the dynamics are different and I don't think a lot of people recognize this. Clearly, I didn't understand this until being with both women and men. Patriarchy exists in many forms, and this effects our everyday lives- even our sex lives!

Gah. I feel like I have more to say, but I think it can wait until part 3. But for the record, no I have never used a sex toy.

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So this blog post is inspired by this post. I agree a lot about what was written and it got me thinking. So after you read my post, I urge you to open your mind and read this one.